10 Weeks left.. ONLY!

I am totally surprised with how FAST this is going by!!! I just looked back at one of my other blog posts.. it was 143 Days Out.. now we are at a measly 71!!! In the words of a minion “Whaaaaaaaaaa????” (Despicable Me reference.. hands down one of my favorite kids’ movies)
Thursday was assessment day with Caitlyn… or what I commonly like to refer to as.. “Dreary, Worse than Doomsday & Labour Pains Combined Depressing Day.”
THIS is how I (usually) look/feel on the inside, on said day…
Can you tell I had an “off” weekend at the Fair?
If you read my previous post, where I referred to my food baby and running intervals on the treadmill… this was the cause for that “6 months along” situation.
Turtle love
This was pretty much me on Sunday.. but replace that healthy and nutritious strawberry with Fair food… mini donuts, burger n fries, ice cream, pie, the works.. Yes, I’m only human dammit!

In case anyone doesn’t know how this prep business works.. every 2 weeks I have to send photos to Caitlyn of me in a bikini in a “relaxed” (READ: UNflattering) pose front, back and both sides. Along with my updated measurements and weight that read to her like a full body scan (you know the ones at the airport where “the guy upstairs” gets to see you nude and wrapped in bronze? Yes, I imagine something similar to this happens on her end of things.) Now, if you’re like me and are incapable of self control the night before, this scale number will not reflect how hard you’ve actually been busting your ass for the last two weeks and she sees this and thinks “lazy shit, I’ll show her” and throws in some extra cardio **Update: she sent me my adjustments for being naughty.. I guessed correctly, a little more cardio** or steals your oatmeal from your breakfast… wah, this happened 2 weeks ago.

Is anyone wondering how I get similar photos every 2 weeks with a cell phone and no timer on it?? (No, I don’t get my hubby to take them, he leaves for work at 3am so he’s never around for picture time)
I’ll let you in on a secret, you just get yourself one of these nifty creatures…
Yep! Any handy dandy 4 year old will do, as long as they can get the ‘whole you’ in the photo you can always crop out other crap they may have caught.. dust bunnies, piles of unfolded laundry, rogue dryer sheets, etc) sometimes this can take up to 5 tries because I’ll be missing feet, my head or he will take it from an obscure angle where I look like the leaning tower of Pisa. Or in the instance where I tried to practice some posing and he kept snapping photos before I was ready (Shush! It’s hard to remember how to flex, turn, twist, balance and not make a constipated/puzzled face)

I’ve made a little collage of my front and back poses but am without make up, have bed head and am not wearing my competition suit since I don’t have it yet buuuuuuut I could probably be convinced to post it further down the road when it can be used as a “before” photo. If enough people comment and say that they DO want to see it then I’ll make sure to include it in the next week or so.
If anyone has any topics that they want to hear or see more of, let me know…. otherwise you’re getting a whole lot more of whatever the hell pops into my head that day!

I saw this when I was waffling with committing to doing a competition and it really made my decision clear.


CBBF Nationals thru the eyes of a spectator

A couple weekends ago I had the privilege of joining Blue Star Nutraceuticals sponsored National level bikini competitor Shayleen Clausen, aptly nicknamed ‘Tink’, at the CBBF (Canadian Bodybuilding Federation) Nationals.
She's READY!
Shay competed in the Bikini A (short people) division and made Top 5!!!!
This was what Shay sent me Friday AM. Ummm YEAH! She’s ready!

NOTE: As my kids are getting older (not me, I’m ageless) I’m realizing the importance of photographing key points during your day/week/year. This enables you to do 2 things 1. share your experiences with those who weren’t there and 2. remind you what you’ve been spending your days (and eventually LIFE) doing. Don’t laugh!!! Sometimes Tim comes home and asks, “So, what’d you guys do today?” and I’m just stunned like “Oh shit. You’re home already? Where’d the hours go??? What the hell HAVE we done today??? That kids are alive… I guess I did that…?”
I could ramble for a couple paragraphs about how forgetful I am and that my memory often resembles more of a sieve than a 2 hemisphere memory bank.

So, without further ado, here’s some photos from my whirlwind trip to Vancouver.
En route!
Tim and I are OFF!! On route to Smithers airport with Storm in the back (he’s off to try and make baby Storms with a bitch named Spice lol)
Pack like a princessBored in the Airport
Waiting at the airport… this is only MY luggage. Yeah.. if you know me, you know I over pack for UUUURVRYTHANG! There’s enough clothes here to do 2 weeks in Mexico. I was in Van for 48 hours. Tim on the other hand? He packed a small duffle bag, the size of a gym bag.
While we waited I got a chance to paint my nails with my fun new pastel pink nail polish! (The week we got back, I’m gone to an appointment for an hour and Tim is watching the kids. Claire got ahold of said new polish and proceeds to get it in her hair and then her eye at which point she is blinded by the chemical concoction and flails!!! There was beautiful nail polish all over my black leather couch, Claire, Claire’s hair, Tim and his clothes, one of my favorite dish towels and the floor… so much for the post massage zen I was looking for!)

But back to our trip….
Sleepy hubby
Lazy bones had to have a nappy poo on the way down. I was too excited to sleep!! I got to know Shay through our mutual coach, Caitlyn Bellamy and following each other on My Fitness Pal. We hadn’t met in person, so the thought that we’d be sharing a room for a couple nights after only having known each other in person for a couple hours was 1 part exciting 1 part nervous with a chance of amusing. What ended up happening is me walking into this…
I made it to our room while Shay was at the Athlete’s Meeting. This was the view. HOLY SHIT haha did a bomb go off in here??? Turns out, the head judge really cracked down on the bikini bottom coverage rule and there were a lot of competitors scrambling to get a suit that would be approved! Poor Shay was one of them, but in the end she settled on her hot pink suit she wore at Western Canadians in Kelowna where she took 2nd place. Regardless, I was there, waiting for her… and as I sat there looking around, wondering if we’d get along and hoping I didn’t get a bout of the nervous shits (no one wants to hear that through a paper machè thick wall no matter HOW well you know each other) I realized I felt a little bit like a prostitute. I mean, in what other situation would you go get a key from the front desk and wait in a hotel room for someone..? Thank god she turned out to be cool shit (and not an axe murderer)…. and for those wondering, my tummy remained calm too.
I glanced around and.. JACKPOT!
Treat area
A not so hidden snack stash for post show treats!
This wasn’t nearly enough so we shopped the next day and added a bunch more to the pile. For example….
Quest PB Cups
Holy crap. HEALHTY Reese style peanut butter cups!!!! I refrained from eating mine but when we hit Popeye’s across the street and discovered these between the prejudging and the evening show I could see this was going to be going down Shay’s hatch when we got home that night lol she was like a kid in a candy store seeing the wide variety of Quest bars in stock.
Back to friday night, Shay and the rest of the Fort St John crew showed up and it was time to get her last coats of spray tan. So we went over to a different room and I do have to say, I had a first. Never before that evening had I ever met someone for the first time and within 15 minutes they were buck ass naked, “smiling” with their ass right in front of me. *Before that day I had no idea what the spray tan lady would’ve wanted from me when I was getting sprayed and she told me to SMILE and I wasn’t even facing her. I am thankful that I’m now armed with that crucial piece of knowledge and won’t be the dumbass standing naked, facing away and grinning like a tool when it’s my turn in November*
I met 2 other girls this same way that night. It was a parade of strong, tanned, stiff limbed, naked chicks coming and going out of a hunting blind. This is all sounding somewhat fictional as I write it..
Once Shay was dry enough we headed back to the room and just lounged around and in an effort not to smudge, smear or tan inanimate objects Shay bundled up and slept at the foot of the bed in her, from home, fitted sheet.. it was mildly awkward since I slept the same direction but beside the pillows and covering the left half of my body with blankets since Shay was passed out on top of the covers.
SO tired but tanned!
Saturday Show Day Morning!!
Shay threw on her suit and sent a couple pics to Caitlyn. Here she is texting.. I have like 10 photos of her on one of her 2 phones (or even both sometimes).

Early Mornin Convo with Caitlyn
She’s a busy lady with her personal cell and her business phone, which she had to answer during her makeup session with Beauty N Bronze. When we walked in I immediately sat down and started cuddling the ADORABLE french bulldog, Bruno (I think his name was) who belonged to the blonde lady who owns Beauty N Bronze. (You can see her below). He soon got bored with me and hid under a table. Boo. Apparently I’m a bad dog pet’er.

Beauty n Bronze MakeupFrenchie
Here’s Shay leaving the Best Western in Coquitlam where she got her new face on.

All done makeupMakeup close up
From here we headed to the Massey Theater and they had sponsors advertisements and promotions on a big screen behind the competitors. I saw this and had to get a shot of it, it’ll be my FIRST show!!! 🙂

On the way to the evening show I tried to take a selfie in the back of the cab but the little man behind the wheel was practicing for his inevitable Nascar debut.. so I’m swaying and looking mildly stoned.

After this is where it all gets a little … blurry..
NOT. It was totally tame. We hit up the Catcus Club post show for Shay’s cheat meal…s… to quote William Shakespeare from A Midsummer Night’s Dream “Though she be but little, she is fierce!” The girl can pack away some grub! She started off the evening with 2 pornstar martinis, followed by chicken and cheese quesadillas with sweet potato fries and chipotle dip, interrupted only by another pornstar maritini, followed by a key lime pie and washed down with a final pornstar martini. Why do I know EXACTLY what someone else ate, 2 weeks ago? Because I was drooling over it the whole time!!!!!! I can’t really complain, my Szechuan Chicken Lettuce wraps were quite divine.
This is my hawt selfie the next morning in my lazy Pink hoodie… yeah.. I know…. I didn’t even brush my hair.. WHAT! Not only was it late to bed (2:30am) but we got up at 6AM AGAIN… and anyways, it’d have ruined the lazy bedhead look I was OBVI going for. Pfffff..
Plus my super incognito hood allowed me to creeper stalk Shay’s photoshoot with the hilarious Mark Bradfield who shoots for Training & Fitness. I am not going to lie. I am a huge fan for 3 reasons. Numero Uno (is a number capitalized in Spanish? Whatever, in Claudia Spanish it is) He is hilarious and somewhat of a metrosexual (please don’t take offense Mark, if on the off chance you ever Google yourself and find this…) and in northern BC and the small town of Houston, those are a rare breed so I quite enjoyed getting to spend a couple hours with him. Numero Deuce short, sweet and to the point.. he takes amazing photos!!!! Numero Trés he told me I looked like Olivia Wilde.. ummm HELLOOOOOO she’s a total girl crush of mine!!! (I just proofread this and this last sentence in this context sounds SO vain.. but it stays damn it. She is amazing! And for the record, I don’t think I look like her.. unless you can literally WANT something into happening… in which case, YAY! It’s working!) BUT in case you live even further north than me and don’t have access to the web and don’t know what this beautiful creature looks like.. I give you… the luminous Olivia Wilde. However, if you’re able to see this blog that is online.. then clearly you have internet. This is not a well thought out situation… Carrying on..

Too little sleep too early Mark Bradfield shoot

Mark Bradfield shoot Shay Lounging
Getting the right angle for the shot, CHECK. Getting a random girl to hold your $16,000 camera, CHECK (that was me by the way hehe). Getting your shorts a little wet during a shoot? UNACCEPTABLE! Haha nice pastey white thighs Mr Bradfield (if you’re still reading..)

Mark Bradfield
After a whirlwind of a weekend we both realized we didn’t even get a picture together!! So a low quality selfie on the skytrain back to YVR it is!!! There’s a lot of different skin and hair colors going on here!!! Perhaps another visit will lend itself to a little more foresight and a better pic together.

Shay and I

Well folks, that’s about it! Once we hit the airport we power walked to White Spot to grab some eats and meet up with Tim (my hubby) and his friend Jamie who were 2 sad hungover dogs (they were at a stag the night before). So I ate Tim’s lunch that he couldn’t stomach and had to ditch Shay to eat her food solo because true to form we were late and gonna miss our flight if we didn’t snap our sacks. What! Not only do I come from a family who is perpetually late but I married an indian and everyone knows they run on Indian Time. It’s a real thing. Look it up. Fine. I’ll link to a definition (ish.. kinda made up but could be real!) Here ya go!

Speaking of Lists & a Virgin…

I’m going to start out by making a couple of lists..

Things I am NOT: an essay connoisseur, quiet or reserved, Martha Stewart (no one will argue this if they’ve seen my house), overly patient, a virgin (in case my having 2 children with my big german head didn’t give it away)
Things I AM and DO: swear.. often (sorry Mom, I know you tried), enjoy getting up at 4-5am everyday to enjoy a quiet coffee before the chaos of having little kids ensues, Class 1 driver, have a small photography business with my sister in law, am constantly enrolled in some sort of distance education, dive into things headfirst with a lot of determination and this is where my post title actually comes into play, I’m a bikini competition virgin.

As I mentioned initially, I’m not much of an essay writer so for those of you following my blog you can expect at least 3 things:
1. more lists and giant run on paragraphs with minimal organization littered with some photos of whatever happens to catch my attention (note how this is already a list…)
2. an honest account of my experiences and some cursing (Sorry Caitlyn but as my coach odds are pretty good it’ll be directed at you… or Tim because he lives with me)
3. randomness – yellowbellied sapsucker anyone?


Guess I should actually mention something about where I’m at in terms of preparing for the Sandra Wickham Fall Classic (btw this is the name of the competition I’m in the process of registering for, gawd I’m a terrible writer, sorry everyone). I’ve recently been in touch with Caitlyn Bellamy (of Revolutionary Fitness & Nutrition Consulting, she’s on FB, so check her out!) who I’ve chosen to be my coach and mentor throughout this process (HA! Lucky you Caitlyn) and she is putting together a plan for me. Until I get my training & nutrition plans I’m just doing my own thing in preparation for the Spartan Sprint in Edmonton on June 29th.
The Spartan is one of my 2013 goals; I started out this year with a couple goals in mind and as I achieve them and continued on my path with health and fitness as a priority, I just find myself adding to the list!! (yes, I’m aware I am the queen of lists).
I’ll do a post in the future about how 2013 started off for me, what my goals were and what they are now… it’s only June, plenty of time to add to my list!!!

What are some of your goals for 2013???