A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words… 1347 to be exact

There have been a few things that have remained as constants on my (secret) bucket list ever since I was a little girl.
1. I wanted to have my photo taken and be published in a magazine. What the magazine was called or what I was doing in the photo, were irrelevant.
2. I would have a bangin’ body and get to be all dolled up and dramatic like for a fashion show and walk a.. runway.. That was/is a second item.
You may be wondering where the heck I’m going with these vague (was/is)isms and be thinking, like, get to the point lady! But I think that this post necessitates some groundwork be laid before I jump to the good part.
I think I have an innate need to be told, reminded and told again that I’m good at something before I let myself believe that I am. (Guess this might fall under some other fancy term but I call it what it is… the need for acceptance). Surely, I’m not the only one here who has this. It doesn’t ring 100% true in every aspect of my life but in some, absolutely.
For example, beauty. It’s subjective and definitely a very broad term. Everyone has their own definition, and even that definition is not an absolute, it varies with each new subject and circumstance. But for the purposes of this blog post I am referring to my physical beauty (or maybe in some people’s opinions, my lack thereof? Whatev’s) As a little girl I always thought my best feature was my smile, then as I grew older it changed and I appreciated the color of my eyes, the size and shape of my ears, the fullness of my hair (har har, refer to my previous post to see the humor in this) and so on. It evolved and I ‘grew into’ myself. I now believe (given the right makeup and lighting lol) that I am beautiful (or at least made to seem that way.. haha)
Um.. ok I’m a bit lost.

*seriously just had to scroll up and see what the hell this blog started with so I knew where I was going with this long winded explanation*

So of the 2 aforementioned items on my magical bucket list I have, in my opinion and as of today, completed half of each one of those. The other halves, I’m working on and these first halves will help me accomplish the one half. What a mess this is to follow.. so on to the ‘good part’.
On October 11th I had the privilege of working with an immensely knowledgeable and talented photographer, Trevor Sowers. Check out his facebook page HERE! (The other link takes you to his website) Trevor if you’re reading this, my hat is off to you. I’m humbled by your work ethic and dedication to a session. Thank you for your hard work, time and effort that you put into my shoot!!!! I CANNOT wait to see the edited images, especially when I hardly even recognized that the girl on the 3″ screen was actually me from only moments before. ***Editing note: I didn’t even have time to complete this flippin’ blog post and already he was messaging me with my finished product!! Too bad, I was committed in writing this lol so here it is, you can see some of the photos on my fb page, BeneFIT with Claudia or wait til my next post, unless my ADD kicks in and you get a whole different entry***
So Trevor and I met only about a week ago and I gave him an idea of what I wanted in a session. We brainstormed about the location, I, about my outfits and he, about the lights and equipment to make it all come together and in the span of a short few days we had everything organized and in place.
First off I woke up unnecessarily early and my first thought was “I’m LATE! SHIT!” Alas it was 2am. Back to sleep.. kinda.. on and off I was up thinking I had slept in. At 8am Shay Daigneault came over and did my makeup for me and it was beautiful, with shimmery gold tones it brought out my eyes nicely.. plus, how can a girl go wrong with a great set of falsies?
I then raced out to Michalle’s house and dropped off my kiddies with hers and they didn’t even look back, surely that’s a good sign! I’m quite certain they got into all kinds of trouble (Davey was non stop talking about going down some backwards slide and e-brakes on pedal bikes….?????? haha, they’re both in one piece and Michalle has all her hair, it’s all good).
So, THANK YOU Michalle for taking them, you’re a lifesaver.. a pretty green lime flavoured lifesaver.. 🙂
Trevor and I we set to meet at the Houston Leisure Facility Gym, him early to enjoy his coffee, muffin and to check out exactly where to set up and I was late as usual (9:26am, whoops, sorry Trevor).
***Quick shout out to Houston Leisure Services – Gym and Staff Thank You for letting us invade the space for 3 hours today!!! It was a great location to do my shoot!!!***
So from about 9:30-12:30 I was selfishly sucking in the attention, flexing this, that, and my butt all over that set. “Smized” my ass off, Tyra would be proud. Every few shots Trevor would show me and check that the lighting was good, emphasizing the right muscles and hiding some flaws. I have to boast, as a virgin fitness model, (or model in general) I think I rocked that shoot. I’m not sure if this was Trevor’s first fitness shoot but if it was, I wouldn’t have known. He was so helpful and made me totally comfortable!!! Also, he swore. I like that shit. LOL Should be on an eCard “You swear. I like that shit”

So back to the halves I’ve now completed..
1.1 Be photographed: CHECK!
2.1 Obtain a bangin’ body: In progress but getting there! For the purposes of checking off my bucket list I’m going to say a definite pass, so CHECK!

As for 1.2 Be published in a magazine: I spent part of my thanksgiving weekend filling out a questionnaire and put my bio together with some of my favorite shots from this session and submitted them to Inside Fitness’ Hot and Fit 100 and Oxygen’s The Future of Fitness in the hopes of being published in either (OR BOTH) magazines!!
2.2 Walking a runway… well this item will be crossed off my bucket list on November 22nd at Gossip Nightclub in Vancouver. I got the amazing opportunity courtesy of the lovely Sheleah Curtin (if you remember she did my makeup at Mike & Katie’s wedding from a few posts ago) and she invited me to model her makeup in a RAW show!! Thank you Sheleah for this incredible opportunity, I cannot WAIT to be a part of this with you!!!
In case anyone is curious what RAW is/does here’s their FB description or you can just click the link to their fb page and see for yourself!
“RAW is an international organization that showcases emerging talent in art, fashion, music, film, photography, hair & makeup in over 70 cities worldwide.”

I don’t have a concrete bucket list but there’s a few more on there for sure: go skydiving, be a surrogate mother if someone near and dear to me needs one, to never stop exploring and travelling to places like Egypt, Venice, Greece, Paris, New York City, Fiji, etc.

Anyone else have good bucket list items they want to share?

So far I’ve thanked Shay, Michalle, Houston Leisure Facilities and staff, Trevor Sowers and Sheleah. I would also like to thank Tim for supporting me more and more as this competition process progresses, thank you for occasionally looking the other way as I’m elbow deep in fro-yo and for generally supporting all my absurd dreams and aspirations that pop into my square German head. Lastly, thank you Google for some weird photos that make me LOL.

Corgi

I too love peanut butter Mr Corgi but I lack the tongue length to be able to get the last bits out like that… I have to cheat and use a squeegee spatula thing.

Oay Lhauv Yaou Jenn-Aay… Marbles!

Sound it out!!!!
You just looked back at the title and quietly tried to sound that shit out, DIDN’T YOU! How do I know? Because every time I read this stupid title I do it!!! STILL!! And I’m the one who wrote it!
(for phoetically challenged people, I’m trying to do a pun on the line ‘I LOVE YOU JENNY’ from Tom Hanks’ movie, Forest Gump.. duh…) Nevermind, it’ll all make sense later.

As promised I am going to make each and everyone reading this today, feel better about themselves!
This post is pretty much synonymous with a FREE ticket to an exclusive “You’re Beautiful Seminar”.
As selfishly boastful as my last post was, this post will be equally as humbling and slightly shameful.

I should start by saying that of all the You Tube sensations that have come and gone, Jenna Marbles is one whom (yeeeeah I just used, whom, you’re welcome Mrs. Lerch from English class…) I reference almost daily and I can watch again and again and laugh my ass off to, each time. Drunk makeup tutorial anyone? BAH! She’s freakin’ genius. Love her!!! ***Jenna.. if you’re reading this…. ERMERGERD *there are no words, just silence.. and…. THE FACE from ‘How to avoid talking to people you don’t want to talk to’ I use this tactic on my husband in lieu of the ‘I have a headache’ line. It works. Thank. You.***
For those who don’t know her… check her out, but be sure to pound out a few crunches prior to watching videos or your hernia will act up from absurd amounts of laughter.
This post is getting ridiculous already. I get so off topic… well, maybe not THAT off topic… patience! I’ll get there…
But, I digress.
Watching her videos is GUARANTEED (or your money back) to make you laugh, and laughing is supposed to make people feel better, so there’s a little precursor to how I’m going to ‘give back’ today and make everyone feel good and much more beautiful’er than me.


I will just get it over with.
The faces you’re about to see are my Jenna Marbles’esque inspired faces.
Anyone’s who’s drank with me has probably already seen this face during one of my stories but I had it catalogued under “Shmexy face” not “Scare away an Axe Murdering Stalker” as would be much more appropriate..
Are ya ready….?
Not sure I am..
BALLS!
Aaaaaaaaaaand we’re off…
The Face
Yep.
No shit. No Lie. No photoshop. That’s my jew-fro. If I could ‘tag’ it, I would. This is what happens when I blow dry my hair.. it’s not pretty by any stretch of the imagination. My poor, poor hairdressers past, present and future have this MOP to deal with.
Hopeless situation.. right? I mean, look at all that goddamn HAIR!!! UGH.
This was a sad, obvious set up for a magical “BUT! Not all hope is lost” kind of turn of events in my blog (during editing I realize this might be called a convenient segway? Correct me if I’m wrong.. I’m curious now..)
I would like all jew-fro endowed people to please bow their heads and take a moment of silence to give thanks to the creator of a magical heat tool called… the flat (or straight) iron.
No, I’m not talking about those crappy steel drug store brands, that ain’t gonna do shit to this resilient German/African hair… (no, I’m not of African descent but if I had brown eyes and a solid spray tan my hair could definitely sway the opinion of an unsuspecting passerby.. ok, shit, off topic again.. too bad, I’m leaving this part in the blog)
I have gone through 3 – $200+ flat irons. Brand? I don’t remember. It’s black and gold. But worth it’s weight in gold to me, and probably to others with my ailment as well!
There is a bit of work involved but this MANE can be tamed..
How you ask?
***BIG shout out to the special lady who actually taught me the magic of a straight iron.. Leanne Friesen (nee Apperloo) without you, I may never have felt the amazeballs softness of my fingers through freshly straightened hair or gusts of window catching my temporarily luscious, shiny locks, making me feel like a supermodel.. you were a godsend.***
Doubtful as it may seem that ‘small community’ sized packrats’ nest can actually be minimized and softened up with the magic of freakish heat and some pressure… much like a diamond I just realized! Wow. The shit you figure out when you write it out!
Ok.
So THAT up there, can be turned into this…
Comp

AAAAAAAAAAAND… One more time….Hair comp
I don’t even know where to go with this from here..
Come to think of it I haven’t made a list in awhile…
A game my bestie Jaime and I play via text sometimes is the Random Game (quite a lame name, I’m not proud)… here are some ‘random’ things that come to my mind right now..
1. Cold side of the pillow on a warm summer evening (shit is a classic)
2. Moose knuckle in a pair of black jeans (barf)
3. Smelly dog farts (Family Guy reference)
4. Watermelon LipSmackers (watermelon? I don’t even like watermelon flavored anything really)
5. Yellow bellied sap sucker (Calvin & Hobbes reference)
6. Schadenfreude & black forest cake
7. “It’s not a jumbo-fucking-jet Tyrone!” “You said he was a get-away driver… what the fuck is he going to get away from?” (lines from the movie ‘Snatch’)
8. FACT: When I witness bullying it makes me so mad I want to cry.

That is all. For meow. PLEASE feel free (and slightly obligated) to leave me some of YOUR favorite random things in the comment section below!