A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words… 1347 to be exact

There have been a few things that have remained as constants on my (secret) bucket list ever since I was a little girl.
1. I wanted to have my photo taken and be published in a magazine. What the magazine was called or what I was doing in the photo, were irrelevant.
2. I would have a bangin’ body and get to be all dolled up and dramatic like for a fashion show and walk a.. runway.. That was/is a second item.
You may be wondering where the heck I’m going with these vague (was/is)isms and be thinking, like, get to the point lady! But I think that this post necessitates some groundwork be laid before I jump to the good part.
I think I have an innate need to be told, reminded and told again that I’m good at something before I let myself believe that I am. (Guess this might fall under some other fancy term but I call it what it is… the need for acceptance). Surely, I’m not the only one here who has this. It doesn’t ring 100% true in every aspect of my life but in some, absolutely.
For example, beauty. It’s subjective and definitely a very broad term. Everyone has their own definition, and even that definition is not an absolute, it varies with each new subject and circumstance. But for the purposes of this blog post I am referring to my physical beauty (or maybe in some people’s opinions, my lack thereof? Whatev’s) As a little girl I always thought my best feature was my smile, then as I grew older it changed and I appreciated the color of my eyes, the size and shape of my ears, the fullness of my hair (har har, refer to my previous post to see the humor in this) and so on. It evolved and I ‘grew into’ myself. I now believe (given the right makeup and lighting lol) that I am beautiful (or at least made to seem that way.. haha)
Um.. ok I’m a bit lost.

*seriously just had to scroll up and see what the hell this blog started with so I knew where I was going with this long winded explanation*

So of the 2 aforementioned items on my magical bucket list I have, in my opinion and as of today, completed half of each one of those. The other halves, I’m working on and these first halves will help me accomplish the one half. What a mess this is to follow.. so on to the ‘good part’.
On October 11th I had the privilege of working with an immensely knowledgeable and talented photographer, Trevor Sowers. Check out his facebook page HERE! (The other link takes you to his website) Trevor if you’re reading this, my hat is off to you. I’m humbled by your work ethic and dedication to a session. Thank you for your hard work, time and effort that you put into my shoot!!!! I CANNOT wait to see the edited images, especially when I hardly even recognized that the girl on the 3″ screen was actually me from only moments before. ***Editing note: I didn’t even have time to complete this flippin’ blog post and already he was messaging me with my finished product!! Too bad, I was committed in writing this lol so here it is, you can see some of the photos on my fb page, BeneFIT with Claudia or wait til my next post, unless my ADD kicks in and you get a whole different entry***
So Trevor and I met only about a week ago and I gave him an idea of what I wanted in a session. We brainstormed about the location, I, about my outfits and he, about the lights and equipment to make it all come together and in the span of a short few days we had everything organized and in place.
First off I woke up unnecessarily early and my first thought was “I’m LATE! SHIT!” Alas it was 2am. Back to sleep.. kinda.. on and off I was up thinking I had slept in. At 8am Shay Daigneault came over and did my makeup for me and it was beautiful, with shimmery gold tones it brought out my eyes nicely.. plus, how can a girl go wrong with a great set of falsies?
I then raced out to Michalle’s house and dropped off my kiddies with hers and they didn’t even look back, surely that’s a good sign! I’m quite certain they got into all kinds of trouble (Davey was non stop talking about going down some backwards slide and e-brakes on pedal bikes….?????? haha, they’re both in one piece and Michalle has all her hair, it’s all good).
So, THANK YOU Michalle for taking them, you’re a lifesaver.. a pretty green lime flavoured lifesaver.. 🙂
Trevor and I we set to meet at the Houston Leisure Facility Gym, him early to enjoy his coffee, muffin and to check out exactly where to set up and I was late as usual (9:26am, whoops, sorry Trevor).
***Quick shout out to Houston Leisure Services – Gym and Staff Thank You for letting us invade the space for 3 hours today!!! It was a great location to do my shoot!!!***
So from about 9:30-12:30 I was selfishly sucking in the attention, flexing this, that, and my butt all over that set. “Smized” my ass off, Tyra would be proud. Every few shots Trevor would show me and check that the lighting was good, emphasizing the right muscles and hiding some flaws. I have to boast, as a virgin fitness model, (or model in general) I think I rocked that shoot. I’m not sure if this was Trevor’s first fitness shoot but if it was, I wouldn’t have known. He was so helpful and made me totally comfortable!!! Also, he swore. I like that shit. LOL Should be on an eCard “You swear. I like that shit”

So back to the halves I’ve now completed..
1.1 Be photographed: CHECK!
2.1 Obtain a bangin’ body: In progress but getting there! For the purposes of checking off my bucket list I’m going to say a definite pass, so CHECK!

As for 1.2 Be published in a magazine: I spent part of my thanksgiving weekend filling out a questionnaire and put my bio together with some of my favorite shots from this session and submitted them to Inside Fitness’ Hot and Fit 100 and Oxygen’s The Future of Fitness in the hopes of being published in either (OR BOTH) magazines!!
2.2 Walking a runway… well this item will be crossed off my bucket list on November 22nd at Gossip Nightclub in Vancouver. I got the amazing opportunity courtesy of the lovely Sheleah Curtin (if you remember she did my makeup at Mike & Katie’s wedding from a few posts ago) and she invited me to model her makeup in a RAW show!! Thank you Sheleah for this incredible opportunity, I cannot WAIT to be a part of this with you!!!
In case anyone is curious what RAW is/does here’s their FB description or you can just click the link to their fb page and see for yourself!
“RAW is an international organization that showcases emerging talent in art, fashion, music, film, photography, hair & makeup in over 70 cities worldwide.”

I don’t have a concrete bucket list but there’s a few more on there for sure: go skydiving, be a surrogate mother if someone near and dear to me needs one, to never stop exploring and travelling to places like Egypt, Venice, Greece, Paris, New York City, Fiji, etc.

Anyone else have good bucket list items they want to share?

So far I’ve thanked Shay, Michalle, Houston Leisure Facilities and staff, Trevor Sowers and Sheleah. I would also like to thank Tim for supporting me more and more as this competition process progresses, thank you for occasionally looking the other way as I’m elbow deep in fro-yo and for generally supporting all my absurd dreams and aspirations that pop into my square German head. Lastly, thank you Google for some weird photos that make me LOL.


I too love peanut butter Mr Corgi but I lack the tongue length to be able to get the last bits out like that… I have to cheat and use a squeegee spatula thing.

Oay Lhauv Yaou Jenn-Aay… Marbles!

Sound it out!!!!
You just looked back at the title and quietly tried to sound that shit out, DIDN’T YOU! How do I know? Because every time I read this stupid title I do it!!! STILL!! And I’m the one who wrote it!
(for phoetically challenged people, I’m trying to do a pun on the line ‘I LOVE YOU JENNY’ from Tom Hanks’ movie, Forest Gump.. duh…) Nevermind, it’ll all make sense later.

As promised I am going to make each and everyone reading this today, feel better about themselves!
This post is pretty much synonymous with a FREE ticket to an exclusive “You’re Beautiful Seminar”.
As selfishly boastful as my last post was, this post will be equally as humbling and slightly shameful.

I should start by saying that of all the You Tube sensations that have come and gone, Jenna Marbles is one whom (yeeeeah I just used, whom, you’re welcome Mrs. Lerch from English class…) I reference almost daily and I can watch again and again and laugh my ass off to, each time. Drunk makeup tutorial anyone? BAH! She’s freakin’ genius. Love her!!! ***Jenna.. if you’re reading this…. ERMERGERD *there are no words, just silence.. and…. THE FACE from ‘How to avoid talking to people you don’t want to talk to’ I use this tactic on my husband in lieu of the ‘I have a headache’ line. It works. Thank. You.***
For those who don’t know her… check her out, but be sure to pound out a few crunches prior to watching videos or your hernia will act up from absurd amounts of laughter.
This post is getting ridiculous already. I get so off topic… well, maybe not THAT off topic… patience! I’ll get there…
But, I digress.
Watching her videos is GUARANTEED (or your money back) to make you laugh, and laughing is supposed to make people feel better, so there’s a little precursor to how I’m going to ‘give back’ today and make everyone feel good and much more beautiful’er than me.

I will just get it over with.
The faces you’re about to see are my Jenna Marbles’esque inspired faces.
Anyone’s who’s drank with me has probably already seen this face during one of my stories but I had it catalogued under “Shmexy face” not “Scare away an Axe Murdering Stalker” as would be much more appropriate..
Are ya ready….?
Not sure I am..
Aaaaaaaaaaand we’re off…
The Face
No shit. No Lie. No photoshop. That’s my jew-fro. If I could ‘tag’ it, I would. This is what happens when I blow dry my hair.. it’s not pretty by any stretch of the imagination. My poor, poor hairdressers past, present and future have this MOP to deal with.
Hopeless situation.. right? I mean, look at all that goddamn HAIR!!! UGH.
This was a sad, obvious set up for a magical “BUT! Not all hope is lost” kind of turn of events in my blog (during editing I realize this might be called a convenient segway? Correct me if I’m wrong.. I’m curious now..)
I would like all jew-fro endowed people to please bow their heads and take a moment of silence to give thanks to the creator of a magical heat tool called… the flat (or straight) iron.
No, I’m not talking about those crappy steel drug store brands, that ain’t gonna do shit to this resilient German/African hair… (no, I’m not of African descent but if I had brown eyes and a solid spray tan my hair could definitely sway the opinion of an unsuspecting passerby.. ok, shit, off topic again.. too bad, I’m leaving this part in the blog)
I have gone through 3 – $200+ flat irons. Brand? I don’t remember. It’s black and gold. But worth it’s weight in gold to me, and probably to others with my ailment as well!
There is a bit of work involved but this MANE can be tamed..
How you ask?
***BIG shout out to the special lady who actually taught me the magic of a straight iron.. Leanne Friesen (nee Apperloo) without you, I may never have felt the amazeballs softness of my fingers through freshly straightened hair or gusts of window catching my temporarily luscious, shiny locks, making me feel like a supermodel.. you were a godsend.***
Doubtful as it may seem that ‘small community’ sized packrats’ nest can actually be minimized and softened up with the magic of freakish heat and some pressure… much like a diamond I just realized! Wow. The shit you figure out when you write it out!
So THAT up there, can be turned into this…

AAAAAAAAAAAND… One more time….Hair comp
I don’t even know where to go with this from here..
Come to think of it I haven’t made a list in awhile…
A game my bestie Jaime and I play via text sometimes is the Random Game (quite a lame name, I’m not proud)… here are some ‘random’ things that come to my mind right now..
1. Cold side of the pillow on a warm summer evening (shit is a classic)
2. Moose knuckle in a pair of black jeans (barf)
3. Smelly dog farts (Family Guy reference)
4. Watermelon LipSmackers (watermelon? I don’t even like watermelon flavored anything really)
5. Yellow bellied sap sucker (Calvin & Hobbes reference)
6. Schadenfreude & black forest cake
7. “It’s not a jumbo-fucking-jet Tyrone!” “You said he was a get-away driver… what the fuck is he going to get away from?” (lines from the movie ‘Snatch’)
8. FACT: When I witness bullying it makes me so mad I want to cry.

That is all. For meow. PLEASE feel free (and slightly obligated) to leave me some of YOUR favorite random things in the comment section below!

40 Days and 39 Nights of Abstinence!

Nooo not quite a movie title but it IS, only 40 days n 39 nights until I am on stage in my… itsy bitsy teenie weenie purple spark-ly bikini! Yep yep people, it’s less than a movie title away now! I am not gonna lie, maintaining motivation is not the easiest thing in the world right now because I JUST WANNA GO! I wanna be there… buuuut I’m one to rush things, so I’m trying to cool my jets and enjoy the ride.
A few posts ago I asked if anyone wanted to see my progress photos and such. That was your warning. This post is going to be all about progress and then some photos of my first few posing practice shots in my new bikini and heels!!! So here’s your last chance to redirect your browser to something more amusing like grumpy cat or ecards or.. facebook.. whatever…
***I really don’t want to post these for the sake of maintaining some sort of mystery with those who I read this and who I see around town… BUUUUUT if I had had to endured endlessly ranting and rambling posts for a few months like you all have, I’d want some dirt on the bag who made me suffer.. so here you all go.. without further adieu.. my 3 month progress photos***
Back Comp wtext  Side Comp wtext
Front Comp wtext

Both the before and after are taken at the same time of day, in the same exact spot with the same swimsuit, from the same location & angle and I’m standing relaxed and soft in both.
Now, some may argue that I could be “cheating” these photos, like by wearing heels in the Sept photos but ask yourself this: 1. if I have NO financial (or any other type) of gain from this, what would be the point? 2. would I REALLY post that unflattering, unmakeup’d, bedhead hair, and to be quite frank, AWFUL before? 3. bear in mind who had to take these photos and with what… my 4 year old… with a cell phone.. yeah, no trick photography happening there.
Unless of course you’re on the other side of the fence thinking “That’s IT?!?!?” To which I might respond, “I SAY, GOOD DAY!” (I hope at least one of you gets that, That 70’s Show reference).
I do need to add that I have NEVER been 100% ‘on plan’ for more than 8 consecutive days (that was recently). I have endured some serious struggles, mentally, some physical and many many MANY with food and otherwise food related temptations. Who knows where I could’ve been had I been a perfect pupil! BUT that’s just not life, and that’s DEFINITELY not me. I am an imperfect, stubborn, rebellious, hormonal creature with a husband, 2 children, a home to maintain and about a zillion other factors. We all have our challenges but I’m super proud to say I have exceeded my own expectations and even as I wrote my very first blog entry, I was mentally contemplating my exit plan for this whole competition thing. It was a subconscious, public image preservation strategy. I expected to get injured (which happened, but I kept going… it may very well still happen but I will adapt), a family emergency to give me an out, I’d even go so far as to say I expected Armageddon to happen before I could admit that I believed in myself enough to see this thing through! Now, less than 6 weeks out, my mind is actually allowing me to believe that not only will I make it to the stage but I think I’m going to do a-ok, not necessarily because I’ll win, or place or even make 2nd call outs but because I’ve been working my ass off everyday, successfully overcoming struggles more frequently and actually seeing self improvement in so many areas of my life, besides the physical. Big shout out THANK YOU to my coach and trainer Caitlyn Bellamy, without the fear of YOU and our stinkin’ biweekly check ins I definitely would’ve strayed from my path.

As was the going fashion in my first few posts (until I became comfortable and openly sarcastic) I think an inspirational quote is in order…

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys for a More Fulfilling Life

I almost forgot!! Good for you for reading past the quote, yay! Means I’ve got some good followers.. and for that I reward you with some awkwardly posed photos of me in my show suit!!! Yaaaaaaaaaay….

posing wtext

Forgive me Followers for I have sinned, it has been 2 weeks since my last confession

Oh haayyyyy everyone. Yes it’s been awhile since I posted but in my defense I was BUSY!!! Frolicking about, plane hopping, wedding crashing.. diet blasting.. haha.
Man weddings are a killer on the ol’ sweet tooth!! Caitlyn: eye muffs… poor woman was traumatized by what I considered a ‘good’ cheat day LOL would hate to give her a heart attack with the 4-6 people’s worth of desserts that I devoured.. at the ONE wedding.. ugh.. fiiiine.. both.. weddings..
Now, although this isn’t actually MEEEE in the photo.. it may as well have been…I had a similar ‘drunk on cake’ look (or in her case alcohol and roofies it looks like) as she does.. not sure about copyrights on this puppy, so just in case… HERE‘s the link.

So our first weekend of craziness we schlepped along the children to Nanaimo from up north, that was fun.. what with the luggage and my extra suitcase of prepped food of chicken, mustard, snap peas (the only veggie I like that stands up to being packed around at room temp and doesn’t turn nasty.. that’s right Spinach.. I’m lookin’ at choo! WHY do you wilt and bruise so darn easy??? Ugh.. and not even the nice sauteed wilt but full on gross, slimy wilt). Plus some delish Quest bars and other stuff, the rest I bought down there.
We stayed a few days with the Best Man (groom’s twin brother) and his familia. They just moved into a new house a month ago so it was neat to see their new space.
Then off to Parksville and the Tigh Na Mara resort for the rehearsal and then ultimately the wedding. Friday night post-rehearsal dinner, I get a text that for lack of better options, Shay is going to drop her little doll off with a Craig’s List babysitter. UMMM NOOOO you’re not! Skip to 5am the next morning… I get a text “We’re outside”, so up I get and out I go to open my door to this adorable little monkey, Brooklyn. It’s just so weird that we both happened to be on the island on the same dates when we only met once before (if you read my post about Nationals, you know the background there) and we live 9 hours apart usually! Since that fateful (and slightly romantical) weekend our lives have just fallen together and we talk pretty much daily.
photo 3(1)photo 1(1) photo 2(1)
Brooklyn fit into our little family, like a glove. What a doll ❤ Here’s the 3 monsters watching Saturday morning cartoons and the girls watching Davey play the iPad. Notice how my kids just act weird now when I take photos… lil shits.
photo 4(1)  photo 5
This was Saturday off our balcony with the tide out. It was amazing how far the beach went when the tide was out. We went for a stroll and checked out the snails and shells. I had photos.. I don’t know where I put them now. Sooo just imagine us down there.. in the sand… yep, there ya go.
Saturday at the reception Shay and Brooklyn came as my ‘plus one’ since Tim was in the bridal party. We sat, we laughed, we drank (water), we ate (non diet food) and we danced 🙂

We were home for 2 days, I did laundry, edited the remainder of the shots from a wedding that Lauren and I shot in July and then repacked it all. Next, Tim and I were off again but this time sans kids and from PG to Van to Kelowna and then we rented an “adult” car, black soft top Camaro to drive to Osoyoos with!! Woohoo!!
photo 2
Tim and I sitting WestJet Plus.. woooo fancy free upgrade? Yes please!!! Except not really much better then “regular” seats. Just up near the front of the plane.photo 3
Tim and I just got the Camaro at the car rental place and didn’t know how to put the top down and looked stupid messing with it so Tim got all man gruff and was like “GET IN! We’ll just go park somewhere and muck with it in private!” Men and their ego in front of complete strangers.
photo 1(2)
Drawbacks of a convertible when you’re a girl!!! My poor bangs ended up SOOOOO knotty and there wasn’t a bobby pin to be seen anywhere all of a sudden.. figures.
photo 2(2)
Waiting on Tim while he gets fitted for his suit in Penticton. I’m exceptionally talented at looking unattractive.
photo 4Coming out of Kelowna and looking towards Summerland!!! On route to Osoyoos!
This majestical gem was found in a convenience store in Kelowna of all places!!!! Talk about a frickin AMAZING sounding idea.. lol probably one of those that SOUNDS better than it is though… seeing as it’s in a convenience store and not any reputable restaurant lol. NOOOO I didn’t eat it, Caitlyn.. sheesh! No faith.
Me getting my HURR did by a girl named Tamara. Just came from makeup, which turned out AH-MAZINGLY! Thank you to SJB Makeup Artist for the beautiful number you did on mah face! Not to gloat buuuuuut she also asked me to come model for her runway show in Vancouver October 25th!!!! ERMERGERD YESSSSSS!!! Sooo flattered and EXCITED!!!! Check out the link to her fb page, she does some super cool elaborate makeup.. did I mention she’s an AWARD winning makeup artist??? She just got back from New York, where she accepted an award for Best Makeup in the 24 Hour Film Race. (That’s no small feat, there’s films from all over Canada & the US submitted) Congrats Sheleah!!! You are incredible at what you do! ❤
Tim and I in the limo, starrrrrrving!!! It was weird to go from consistently eating 6 meals a day to eating 2. Wanna see a hungry bikini competitor with low blood sugar try and walk in heels in some gravel? So I had a Palm Bay. What! I needed sustenance!!! Don’t judge me.
My beautiful and favourite ginger, the Bride, looking just soooooo excited for the day.. PS that’s not the groom beside her.. not that anyone was asking.. or wondering probably.. but for the purposes of full disclosure.. it’s not. So there. PS Her name is Katie. She’s goddamn hilarious. She has red hair.
The ravishing Deni and me, with my Palm Bay influenced face… ya right, that’s all me.
It’s easier to look ridiculous on purpose than try to look pretty and thereby create an “elephant in the room” situation for everyone where no one wants to point out the obvious, you STILL look like a tool.
Looking awfully poised considering there’s like 6+ beads of sweat running down my back and inner thighs.. ooooh ya, SEX-ayyyyy… you know you waaaant it.
On a side note, if a bee is crawling on your friend’s face, you should politely swat at it.. if, however, it’s headed for the bottom hole where the lace up end at the back of her dress, just stare stupidly until it crawls in there and begins to panic.. then GASP! as though you JUST noticed.. that’s what I did. It’s the cool thing to do. Trust me.
***Sorry Randa, that’s how it played out, I didn’t mean to just gawk but I was stunned! At least you didn’t get stung***

PS Randa has a super fun blog with actual contests and prizes that you can win!!! Check her out at The Bewitchin’ Kitchen, she’s a great blogger with lots of super indepth reviews, healthy recipes and great posts in general.

Well. I think that’s long enough for this one. I’d apologize for being so absent in between posts but if you’ve learned anything from my blog it’s that 1. I am a perpetual apologize’r 2. I’m sporadic at best and 3. I’m not gonna change any time soon.

To keep up with my traditional parting thought…
Claire recently learned where money comes from…
Piggy Banks’ Butt!

RIP Piggy.. your demise was definitely in vain… there was only like $0.78 in there!

September, it’s the New January

I seriously miss that “Back to School” feeling I got when we went school supply shopping, and got to get all geared up for a new year at school.. I am in SERIOUS withdrawals!!! I wish I could go back to school. It was such a great time! The first day of school is seriously MORE exciting than Christmas morning for me!!! (Maybe it has something to do with because we didn’t do opening the pressies that morning but rather did them Christmas Eve night, as is German tradition)

I say that September is the new January.
September always symbolized a fresh start for the school year and the start of fall, even though technically it’s still ‘summer’. With fall always came walks to the school bus in the fresh, crisp morning air (despite my insistence that it was below -15C and that I needed a ride), comfy sweaters, clean new notebooks, summer time adventure stories, the possibility of new friends if someone moved to town, and the start of a new school year. Hands down, my favorite time of year. To the school aged population it’s their “January”, their new year. I can’t get over how hard this September has been for me! Ya, boo hoo, no school, I can only imagine what 14 year old me would say to 26 year old me right now. Oh but the stories 26 year old me could tell 14 year old me would boggle that little teen brain!!!
I can’t wait to send Davey off to Kindergarten next year, Mommy will have the time of her life; buying school supplies, going to the first day, doing his work with him… oh man… HEAVEN.

Yes I know, not a fitness related post..
Big Whoop

10 Weeks left.. ONLY!

I am totally surprised with how FAST this is going by!!! I just looked back at one of my other blog posts.. it was 143 Days Out.. now we are at a measly 71!!! In the words of a minion “Whaaaaaaaaaa????” (Despicable Me reference.. hands down one of my favorite kids’ movies)
Thursday was assessment day with Caitlyn… or what I commonly like to refer to as.. “Dreary, Worse than Doomsday & Labour Pains Combined Depressing Day.”
THIS is how I (usually) look/feel on the inside, on said day…
Can you tell I had an “off” weekend at the Fair?
If you read my previous post, where I referred to my food baby and running intervals on the treadmill… this was the cause for that “6 months along” situation.
Turtle love
This was pretty much me on Sunday.. but replace that healthy and nutritious strawberry with Fair food… mini donuts, burger n fries, ice cream, pie, the works.. Yes, I’m only human dammit!

In case anyone doesn’t know how this prep business works.. every 2 weeks I have to send photos to Caitlyn of me in a bikini in a “relaxed” (READ: UNflattering) pose front, back and both sides. Along with my updated measurements and weight that read to her like a full body scan (you know the ones at the airport where “the guy upstairs” gets to see you nude and wrapped in bronze? Yes, I imagine something similar to this happens on her end of things.) Now, if you’re like me and are incapable of self control the night before, this scale number will not reflect how hard you’ve actually been busting your ass for the last two weeks and she sees this and thinks “lazy shit, I’ll show her” and throws in some extra cardio **Update: she sent me my adjustments for being naughty.. I guessed correctly, a little more cardio** or steals your oatmeal from your breakfast… wah, this happened 2 weeks ago.

Is anyone wondering how I get similar photos every 2 weeks with a cell phone and no timer on it?? (No, I don’t get my hubby to take them, he leaves for work at 3am so he’s never around for picture time)
I’ll let you in on a secret, you just get yourself one of these nifty creatures…
Yep! Any handy dandy 4 year old will do, as long as they can get the ‘whole you’ in the photo you can always crop out other crap they may have caught.. dust bunnies, piles of unfolded laundry, rogue dryer sheets, etc) sometimes this can take up to 5 tries because I’ll be missing feet, my head or he will take it from an obscure angle where I look like the leaning tower of Pisa. Or in the instance where I tried to practice some posing and he kept snapping photos before I was ready (Shush! It’s hard to remember how to flex, turn, twist, balance and not make a constipated/puzzled face)

I’ve made a little collage of my front and back poses but am without make up, have bed head and am not wearing my competition suit since I don’t have it yet buuuuuuut I could probably be convinced to post it further down the road when it can be used as a “before” photo. If enough people comment and say that they DO want to see it then I’ll make sure to include it in the next week or so.
If anyone has any topics that they want to hear or see more of, let me know…. otherwise you’re getting a whole lot more of whatever the hell pops into my head that day!

I saw this when I was waffling with committing to doing a competition and it really made my decision clear.


CBBF Nationals thru the eyes of a spectator

A couple weekends ago I had the privilege of joining Blue Star Nutraceuticals sponsored National level bikini competitor Shayleen Clausen, aptly nicknamed ‘Tink’, at the CBBF (Canadian Bodybuilding Federation) Nationals.
She's READY!
Shay competed in the Bikini A (short people) division and made Top 5!!!!
This was what Shay sent me Friday AM. Ummm YEAH! She’s ready!

NOTE: As my kids are getting older (not me, I’m ageless) I’m realizing the importance of photographing key points during your day/week/year. This enables you to do 2 things 1. share your experiences with those who weren’t there and 2. remind you what you’ve been spending your days (and eventually LIFE) doing. Don’t laugh!!! Sometimes Tim comes home and asks, “So, what’d you guys do today?” and I’m just stunned like “Oh shit. You’re home already? Where’d the hours go??? What the hell HAVE we done today??? That kids are alive… I guess I did that…?”
I could ramble for a couple paragraphs about how forgetful I am and that my memory often resembles more of a sieve than a 2 hemisphere memory bank.

So, without further ado, here’s some photos from my whirlwind trip to Vancouver.
En route!
Tim and I are OFF!! On route to Smithers airport with Storm in the back (he’s off to try and make baby Storms with a bitch named Spice lol)
Pack like a princessBored in the Airport
Waiting at the airport… this is only MY luggage. Yeah.. if you know me, you know I over pack for UUUURVRYTHANG! There’s enough clothes here to do 2 weeks in Mexico. I was in Van for 48 hours. Tim on the other hand? He packed a small duffle bag, the size of a gym bag.
While we waited I got a chance to paint my nails with my fun new pastel pink nail polish! (The week we got back, I’m gone to an appointment for an hour and Tim is watching the kids. Claire got ahold of said new polish and proceeds to get it in her hair and then her eye at which point she is blinded by the chemical concoction and flails!!! There was beautiful nail polish all over my black leather couch, Claire, Claire’s hair, Tim and his clothes, one of my favorite dish towels and the floor… so much for the post massage zen I was looking for!)

But back to our trip….
Sleepy hubby
Lazy bones had to have a nappy poo on the way down. I was too excited to sleep!! I got to know Shay through our mutual coach, Caitlyn Bellamy and following each other on My Fitness Pal. We hadn’t met in person, so the thought that we’d be sharing a room for a couple nights after only having known each other in person for a couple hours was 1 part exciting 1 part nervous with a chance of amusing. What ended up happening is me walking into this…
I made it to our room while Shay was at the Athlete’s Meeting. This was the view. HOLY SHIT haha did a bomb go off in here??? Turns out, the head judge really cracked down on the bikini bottom coverage rule and there were a lot of competitors scrambling to get a suit that would be approved! Poor Shay was one of them, but in the end she settled on her hot pink suit she wore at Western Canadians in Kelowna where she took 2nd place. Regardless, I was there, waiting for her… and as I sat there looking around, wondering if we’d get along and hoping I didn’t get a bout of the nervous shits (no one wants to hear that through a paper machè thick wall no matter HOW well you know each other) I realized I felt a little bit like a prostitute. I mean, in what other situation would you go get a key from the front desk and wait in a hotel room for someone..? Thank god she turned out to be cool shit (and not an axe murderer)…. and for those wondering, my tummy remained calm too.
I glanced around and.. JACKPOT!
Treat area
A not so hidden snack stash for post show treats!
This wasn’t nearly enough so we shopped the next day and added a bunch more to the pile. For example….
Quest PB Cups
Holy crap. HEALHTY Reese style peanut butter cups!!!! I refrained from eating mine but when we hit Popeye’s across the street and discovered these between the prejudging and the evening show I could see this was going to be going down Shay’s hatch when we got home that night lol she was like a kid in a candy store seeing the wide variety of Quest bars in stock.
Back to friday night, Shay and the rest of the Fort St John crew showed up and it was time to get her last coats of spray tan. So we went over to a different room and I do have to say, I had a first. Never before that evening had I ever met someone for the first time and within 15 minutes they were buck ass naked, “smiling” with their ass right in front of me. *Before that day I had no idea what the spray tan lady would’ve wanted from me when I was getting sprayed and she told me to SMILE and I wasn’t even facing her. I am thankful that I’m now armed with that crucial piece of knowledge and won’t be the dumbass standing naked, facing away and grinning like a tool when it’s my turn in November*
I met 2 other girls this same way that night. It was a parade of strong, tanned, stiff limbed, naked chicks coming and going out of a hunting blind. This is all sounding somewhat fictional as I write it..
Once Shay was dry enough we headed back to the room and just lounged around and in an effort not to smudge, smear or tan inanimate objects Shay bundled up and slept at the foot of the bed in her, from home, fitted sheet.. it was mildly awkward since I slept the same direction but beside the pillows and covering the left half of my body with blankets since Shay was passed out on top of the covers.
SO tired but tanned!
Saturday Show Day Morning!!
Shay threw on her suit and sent a couple pics to Caitlyn. Here she is texting.. I have like 10 photos of her on one of her 2 phones (or even both sometimes).

Early Mornin Convo with Caitlyn
She’s a busy lady with her personal cell and her business phone, which she had to answer during her makeup session with Beauty N Bronze. When we walked in I immediately sat down and started cuddling the ADORABLE french bulldog, Bruno (I think his name was) who belonged to the blonde lady who owns Beauty N Bronze. (You can see her below). He soon got bored with me and hid under a table. Boo. Apparently I’m a bad dog pet’er.

Beauty n Bronze MakeupFrenchie
Here’s Shay leaving the Best Western in Coquitlam where she got her new face on.

All done makeupMakeup close up
From here we headed to the Massey Theater and they had sponsors advertisements and promotions on a big screen behind the competitors. I saw this and had to get a shot of it, it’ll be my FIRST show!!! 🙂

On the way to the evening show I tried to take a selfie in the back of the cab but the little man behind the wheel was practicing for his inevitable Nascar debut.. so I’m swaying and looking mildly stoned.

After this is where it all gets a little … blurry..
NOT. It was totally tame. We hit up the Catcus Club post show for Shay’s cheat meal…s… to quote William Shakespeare from A Midsummer Night’s Dream “Though she be but little, she is fierce!” The girl can pack away some grub! She started off the evening with 2 pornstar martinis, followed by chicken and cheese quesadillas with sweet potato fries and chipotle dip, interrupted only by another pornstar maritini, followed by a key lime pie and washed down with a final pornstar martini. Why do I know EXACTLY what someone else ate, 2 weeks ago? Because I was drooling over it the whole time!!!!!! I can’t really complain, my Szechuan Chicken Lettuce wraps were quite divine.
This is my hawt selfie the next morning in my lazy Pink hoodie… yeah.. I know…. I didn’t even brush my hair.. WHAT! Not only was it late to bed (2:30am) but we got up at 6AM AGAIN… and anyways, it’d have ruined the lazy bedhead look I was OBVI going for. Pfffff..
Plus my super incognito hood allowed me to creeper stalk Shay’s photoshoot with the hilarious Mark Bradfield who shoots for Training & Fitness. I am not going to lie. I am a huge fan for 3 reasons. Numero Uno (is a number capitalized in Spanish? Whatever, in Claudia Spanish it is) He is hilarious and somewhat of a metrosexual (please don’t take offense Mark, if on the off chance you ever Google yourself and find this…) and in northern BC and the small town of Houston, those are a rare breed so I quite enjoyed getting to spend a couple hours with him. Numero Deuce short, sweet and to the point.. he takes amazing photos!!!! Numero Trés he told me I looked like Olivia Wilde.. ummm HELLOOOOOO she’s a total girl crush of mine!!! (I just proofread this and this last sentence in this context sounds SO vain.. but it stays damn it. She is amazing! And for the record, I don’t think I look like her.. unless you can literally WANT something into happening… in which case, YAY! It’s working!) BUT in case you live even further north than me and don’t have access to the web and don’t know what this beautiful creature looks like.. I give you… the luminous Olivia Wilde. However, if you’re able to see this blog that is online.. then clearly you have internet. This is not a well thought out situation… Carrying on..

Too little sleep too early Mark Bradfield shoot

Mark Bradfield shoot Shay Lounging
Getting the right angle for the shot, CHECK. Getting a random girl to hold your $16,000 camera, CHECK (that was me by the way hehe). Getting your shorts a little wet during a shoot? UNACCEPTABLE! Haha nice pastey white thighs Mr Bradfield (if you’re still reading..)

Mark Bradfield
After a whirlwind of a weekend we both realized we didn’t even get a picture together!! So a low quality selfie on the skytrain back to YVR it is!!! There’s a lot of different skin and hair colors going on here!!! Perhaps another visit will lend itself to a little more foresight and a better pic together.

Shay and I

Well folks, that’s about it! Once we hit the airport we power walked to White Spot to grab some eats and meet up with Tim (my hubby) and his friend Jamie who were 2 sad hungover dogs (they were at a stag the night before). So I ate Tim’s lunch that he couldn’t stomach and had to ditch Shay to eat her food solo because true to form we were late and gonna miss our flight if we didn’t snap our sacks. What! Not only do I come from a family who is perpetually late but I married an indian and everyone knows they run on Indian Time. It’s a real thing. Look it up. Fine. I’ll link to a definition (ish.. kinda made up but could be real!) Here ya go!