10.. ish.. Important Contest Prep Planning Points

I never knew just how much actual preparation (and how many choices you are faced with) during contest prep! There’s all kinds of details that need working out, outside of doing your meal prep, sticking to your diet and doing your, oftentimes, crippling workouts.

For those of you who haven’t the foggiest on what it all entails.. Let me make a list for you, followed by many brackets, choices/explanations and random chatter)

1. You need to do the obvious, book your hotel (but be sure you are allowed to get your tan there as some competitions appoint an official tanner or hair and makeup team and only those people are allowed to apply the race altering tan at the host hotel) otherwise you must stay else where (or simply pretend you have a room there and do it in a bathroom stall at a random hotel…however, I’m seeing some minor difficulties if this route is taken)

2. Book your flights, especially for those of us who live in the boonies and have kids at home, this is a must as spending 2-4 extra days travelling and away from the kids becomes a pain in the ass and in the end the costs associated with travelling 12+ hours by car end up about the same as if you had just saved the time and flew with an airline. I mean, my co-pilot would need snacks, Timmy’s stops, pee breaks, beer stops, more pee breaks, first breakfast, second breakfast, lunch appy’s, lunch, snacks, more beer, pre eats before dinner, dinner, bedtime snack and perhaps another night cap. That shit adds up!!

3. You must purchase a couple small triangular pieces of fabric to cover up just the essentials so you don’t get arrested for indecent exposure, then choose your color you want, what shiny/stretchy material you’d like and what style of “cut” (who knew you could cut a triangle so many different ways) and now you’re ready to bedazzle the shit outta it. And finally, here’s your bill. Holy baby Jesus!! $500+ for just that little bit???? That’s going to be cutting into the aforementioned snack allowance) They’re not joking when they say you get diet brain and it can get foggy as hell up in here if a person is willing to spend that on a bikini they’ll probably only wear once!!!!

4. Next. We’ve all seen them and possibly mocked whoever was donning the aptly named, stripper shoes. They are made of some see thru, would outlast the sun’s life expectancy, plastic and are hell bent on making you break an ankle and make the balls of your feet burn like Satan’s anus the day after Mexican night. Now you must choose yet another style of these torture devices and practice waltzing around in your skivvies in them, with all the confidence in the world like you do this all the time. PS here’s another bill for you to pay for something you will wear one time (in public, ***MOM: skip to #5 now*** in private however, does it count if you’re wearing them but your feet are in the air?? *shit* Sorry Mom… let’s pretend you didn’t just read that even though, we both know you did).

5. Back to the (temporary) race altering procedure you must undergo a few times (depending on what shade of pale you are) you must either bring your own and attempt not to make it look like you got lynched with an oily rag or ask a friend/coach to sponge the shit out of you until you’re the color of a milk chocolate bar or a small Mexican child. Or you can go the route of making an appointment with a spray tanner and get probably 2-3 nice dustings of brown mystery substance everywhere all over your body.. Except your face, that shit will remain pasty and in my case, slightly freckled. Again, you’re shelling out some dough for this.. $75 ish I believe.

7. I keep getting lost where I am in my list (I need to learn to write out an outline.. ehhhh eff that, that’s for English class and I was never very good at that either) so for funsies sake, I’ve skipped number six and am making this a random rambling moment. Has everyone noticed the ridiculous number of flying insects this year???? We have an abundance of hornets, bees, horseflies, black flies and the like around here! Seems to be a good time to be a bird or bat.. Unless of course the influx of pests is due to an epidemic in the bird community, since birds and bats eat bugs and there’s an excess of bugs then maybe there’s less birds around to eat them, then maybe it’s not so cool to be a bird.. But I don’t know, I’m not an expert, I’m just hypothesizing here. The cost of this awesome point? $priceless!!! You’re welcome, seeeeee I don’t need to be a sponsored blog to do some Free Giveaways!

8. Hair and makeup is obviously a vital component when it comes to bikini competitions since it’s essentially a strong girls pageant. Now, everyday hair and makeup just won’t cut it under those incredibly harsh and white lights they use to illuminate the girls on stage. (One of the reasons why everyone gets a few coats of spray tan and looks like an Oompa Loompa in real life but up on stage just looks sunkissed… usually, have seen some botched colors happening). SO what you have to do is pay a trained professional to transform you and create a new and improved face.. on top of.. YOUR face. I think the only thing I’d consider doing myself is my hair since in general bikini girls just wear it loose and beachy or super smooth… I can’t really eff that up too bad.. unless I forget my straightener at home, in which case I’ll have to time warp back to the 80’s to fit in with my huge frizz fro.
(This one pretty much counts as 2 since hair and make up are not the same thing.. I’m trying to make my 10.. ish.. quota here!) Hair $100 & Makeup $100 were the quotes I got.

9. Other smaller but equally important points to get organized before you step on stage!!! (I just want to say this one point counts for like.. 3 so there! That’s 10.. I think?)
Jewellery. You need to get some BLING! To round out your suit choice. The usual would be a cuff or bracelets and earrings. Some girls get flowers for in their hair but I think that’s too much usually. Just some super sparkly accent pieces can make a huge difference. $50-$200
Nails! You’re going to want to at the very least get a nice mani and pedi before you go but most go with a gel or acrylic nail and a french manicure to really polish off the look. $70-$150
Bet ya didn’t see this one coming but unless you have breasts created by God himself that didn’t disappear at the first sign of famine or some tig ol’ fake biddies then you’re going to want to invest in some cutlets to help you in the cleavage/boobie/feminine body shape department. I for one will be shamelessly stuffing my bikini top. $ no idea, probably $40-$60?

I know there’s other equally important points that I’ve negated to touch on like posing and what’s good/bad/ugly, stage presence, your walk, etc. But I’ll touch on that when I get more info and experience with it. Baby steps for now.
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If you do… and you have friends who you think would enjoy my blog (or enemies who you think would hate it and find it torturous and you have an affliction known as “schadenfreude” thank you Germans for that fun word!) please send them here and share the love!

Party like it’s Y2K again!

This last weekend Tim and I spent the whole weekend just doing each others Honey Do Lists. Tim cleaned up some old stairs outside that were rickety and a hazard to anyone who used them (not that anyone should/would as they led literally nowhere.. straight into the side of the house.. don’t ask), some left over mess from our contractor (this is a WHOLE ‘nother story, what a headache!!!!), washed the vehicles and took the kiddies outside for the day in the sprinkler and made them a super fast water slide on their play set.. to give you an idea of just how “fast” it was, Claire got like 2 full seconds of airtime off the bottom and flew like 4 feet off the bottom. Lol, normally I’d be against this since it’s kind of dangerous and if I tried it I’d hurt myself, and given that she was in nothing more than a diaper and was landing on the grass on her back BUT she’s a kid, they’re made of rubber, she squealed with delight and repeated this countless times. *Eventually he put a kiddie pool at the bottom so they landed in water and didn’t skid across the lawn on their butt/backs*
I unfortunately, was house bound and finally took the plunge and fixed our bathroom walls.. it was left as a disaster for over a year (YES, I’m a PROCRASTINATOR… shut up, don’t judge me) I could go in depth but that shit is boring so I’ll just say, we have successfully made the transition from condemned looking to moderately priced hotel bathroom.
The next day we ended up puttering around some more and I stumbled on 3 full garbage bags of old clothes from when we moved into this house 2 years ago… JACKPOT! I found some cute shirts, and had a trip down memory lane from all the ‘gems’ I found in there!! One of these lovely finds was some Silver jeans from Grade 8.. 13 years ago!!! I thought, hell I might still fit these bell bottom beauties.. so I squeeeeeezed and tugged and wiggled and hopped and…. VOILA!
Holy. Shit.
Hahahaha I’m finding it amusing that literally HALF my life ago I fit these things!!! I was 13 when I got these and they fit!! This brings up 2 possible scenarios in my head… 1. Either I was a 13 year old who resembled a hefer or 2. I’m superwoman and will forever have the body of a 13 year old!! Haha not sure which is better.. or worse.
Oh yes, the picture to prove my victory!
Old jeans from 2000
Well, this is probably one of my less entertaining posts BUT tough shit, ya win some and ya lose some. At least I was brief.

A parting thought for you all…
Spe-thal.

Ya’ll thought I’d quit… didn’t ya. HA! Nah…

I do have to admit that I wrote this post on my cell phone (we were in the boonies, sans computer or wifi or something on and off for the last few weeks) and so this is a touch out dated, but it’s part of my journey none the less so here ya be.

I have had a bit of a rough go this last month of training. Ups and downs when it came to sticking to my diet (birthday, anniversary, summer BBQ’ing); finding time to workout out when I’m being pulled in all different directions by my hubby, his job, our kids, family, my photography business, desire to sleep, etc. That being said there will ALWAYS be excuses, I mean there’s never going to be that PERFECT time to start a workout, diet or new lifestyle so what are we always waiting for? I know there is the old saying “there’s always tomorrow” but that’s not entirely true, the only guarantee in life is this very moment. (Well, that and death) so one could now insert another well known quote “carpe diem”. What I am getting at is there will always be pros and cons, for and againsts or positive and negative sides to each situation. What matters is the attitude with which you tackle everyday choices. I know that occasionally I struggle with keeping my goal in the forefront of my brain when I’m hungry and faced with things like ice cream, cakes of all varieties, A&W, CHEESE, pop, poutine, pizza, maple bacon anything… Ah yes. I have learned a few tricks over the years that work for me to help me keep it all in perspective but that’s a whole ‘nother blog.. *make note on my phone to blog about keeping my eye on the prize*
I guess where I was subconciously going with this post was that if you set a goal for yourself you had better make darn sure that you want it more than what you want right at this very second. I have seen a quote floating around the Twitter’sphere and on Instagram that goes something like this “Don’t give up what you REALLY want for what you want right now”. It’s true, you really need to WANT your goal as much as your body WANTS air when you’re suffocating.. a little extreme? Perhaps, but it’s a good mental picture and gets a person’s attention when distracted by mouthwatering foods or the snooze button.
I will leave you with just a short little list..
1. I promise to blog more frequently so you don’t need to re-read all my old posts to remember who the hell I am.
2. I just looked, HOLY SHIT BALLS! It says I already have 815 people subscribed to my blog… Feckin’ Eh!! 🙂 Thanks freennddzzz!
3. I’m trying to get my 4 year old to move into my basement bedroom so that I can reno and steal some space from his current bedroom to make our bathroom bigger… does this make me a bad parent?
4. I’m always looking for some new music for my playlist to distract me during cardio.. please share a favorite of yours? Or 5
5. I’m a closet TV junkie… perhaps a little less closet, a little more junkie. I have a goddamn app on my phone called TV Show Tracker.. I may or may not have already programed 4 of my fav shows for this fall… *note: this was 2 months ago already* **insert that little creepy all teeth emoticon that you can make on an iPhone**
6. Crispy Mini’s Dill Pickle flavour… goddamn!! Yum-O!

Ooootay.. bye for meow 🙂

It’s a Bird, it’s a Plane, no wait, it’s, A SPARTAN!

One day I’m going to run out of cheeseball titles and you will all be sad and disappointed I’m sure, but until that day! HA! this is MY house (errr blog) and I ain’t nobody got time for boring, plain titles..NOT up in HERE!
Ok, what do you call 3 catchphrase massacres in my opening paragraph… ?
WINNING!!
I’ll give you a little history on how my magical 2013 began…

So my good friend Anna and I were bs’ing over some sophisticated vodka coolers a few months ago and I was toying with the idea of training for a half marathon this year as a 2013 goal. I asked her if she’d be interested in doing it with me as she is an avid gym goer. Needless to say, the thought of training to pound pavement for 21.1km’s didn’t exactly set her knickers on fire so after a few more ‘sounds like a good idea generators’  (aka Palm Bays) she proposed we sign up for a Spartan race. For those of you who don’t know what this feel free to check out http://www.spartanrace.com. I think we decided in February or March that we’d do this.. in the mean time, we added another event to our goal to complete list. We both participated in the 160km Skeena River Relay race, now I know, 160km? DANG, these girls are INTENSE! Yep, that’s how we roll!
Ok fine, even 16km might be a stretch lol but we did join a team of 10 people who ran anywhere from 10.2-21.1km legs. I managed to do mine in a Personal Best time of 51:55 for the 10.2km leg. Fast forward 5 weeks, we both packed up our families, travelled over 2500km’s total and conquered a Spartan Sprint (5km and 15+ obstacles) in Edmonton. Now would be a good time to do a mastercard commercial:
Spartan registration $75
Hotel for 3 nights $387
Continental breakfast per adult $25
Valet $30
3 afternoons of shopping at stores you only get to see in person (not online shopping) FACKIN PRICEY!!!
My poor Visa tried to curb my shopping spree by killing my chip only a day or so before we left but I would not be deterred. Shopped. My. Ass. Off. Good thing I have big solid babies who can do a week or 2 without dinners… (I’m only kidding… you can put down the phones people, no need to call Child Services)

Oh yes, back to mine and Anna’s planning adventures. Everything sounds so good “on paper” until it’s time to put in the work!! Cue motivational quote #1:

“Commitment is doing the things you said you’d do, long after the mood you said it in has left you.” – Anonymous

Prep for the relay race and the Spartan were great motivators though. I know all too well how easy it is to fall into a rut of complacency because you aren’t actively working towards a goal in the near future (up to 2 months). I think that’s part of the reason why I’ve been able to stick to eating healthy (with the odd treat WEEKEND instead of just meal, sorry Caitlyn.. hehe) and regular exercise. Which brings me to what I think is my final goal for 2013 and something you all already know about, if you’ve been reading my blog (which, is only 4 posts including this one, so really, if you’ve read any of my posts lol)
the Sandra Wickham Fall Classic in early November. A few words that setting this goal make me feel are… pride, excitement, anticipation, belief, determination, self respect, and admiration for what my body can do.
I’m really looking forward to adding “bikini athlete/competitor” to my next resume, it’s bound to be a conversation piece if nothing else. Cue motivational quote numero deuce:

“It isn’t how badly you want it, it’s how hard you’re willing to work for it!”

Now go out and set a goal that scares you! Dare you.

143 Days Out

So, last week I got my training & nutrition plan from my coach, Caitlyn. I would love to write something witty and mildly snarky at her but really when I look at, I think I’ve got it pretty good, at least for the time being. I thought, hey this plan is so do-able! I mean, I’ll have to tackle things that are outside of my comfort zone and Tim will have to endure my never ending plea to buy more gym equipment (I think a power cage counts as a gym essential!! If only it wasn’t so pricey… birthday present ideas… Tim… are you listening????) all in all it looks awesome.. then I remembered I’m technically in my off season still..

Post Interval Training

Post Interval Training – :35 of DRIPPING sweat

Oh. Crap.

Guess I will be doing my best to cherish these last 2ish months I have left!! As for the nutrition side of things I am finding it to be not that big of an obstacle since I’m so used to batch cooking and prepping all my own meals anyway and then attempting to satisfy my family’s, lets call it DIVERSE, tastes on top of that. I’m sure come end of October/beginning of November I’ll puke at the thought of more egg whites, chicken, spinach and the like, but for now, I’m still able to enjoy it.

*UPDATE* I wrote this and that evening Tim surprised me by letting me buy a (second hand but in amazingly good shape) Gold’s Gym Platinum Home Gym from a friend of his in town. We haven’t actually gotten it to the house, it needs to be disassembled and brought over yet. Regardless, he messed up my post!! Which is why it’s been quiet over here on the blog front. I guess I can forgive him though.
It’s also why my title is now incorrect… I’m actually at 141 Days Out.
Maybe he was listening after all… 🙂
Happy Friday People!
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Isn’t it pretty!?!?

Chatterbox!?!?! ME?? Never…

There’s something so sexy and therapeutic about sitting down to write a new blog post with fresh coffee, looking out my window (wondering wtf is mother nature’s problem?? Where’s the SUN!?) and having a stark white page with the little black blinking vertical thingy winking at me, patiently waiting for me to start. Beauty of it is that I can literally write about anything I want! How about some shit I learned in university, the correlation between supply and demand? Or… Rugby players remind me of the Irish, super friendly, will drink you under the table and love to beat the shit outta each other! Or Math is fun! (shut up, I like math ok?) Or.. Starbucks has hideously overpriced coffee? Or (a particularly scarring experience) My Japanese professor giving me flashbacks to kindergarten (“Claudia, talks too much in class, needs to shut the hell up and listen. Chatterbox.”)
Ok. So I didn’t learn a shit ton in university; but it has come to my attention that neither did alot of my peers (maybe because we were always busy talking…? Perhaps. I doubt it. That can’t be it.) However, proof is in the pudding (wonder where that phrase came from…wikipedia don’t fail me now).
A couple weekends ago we hit up the Wood Expo in Prince George and UNBC had a booth there. I recognized the peeps sitting there so I went over and had a nice BS with them and they were on the same page as I was, your little piece of paper that has your name and degree on it really only says one thing; if you are willing to endure 4+ years of lack of sleep, stress, endless assigned readings (that you’ll never do), professors with an accent so thick you need hieroglyphics to decipher what they’re teaching and countless group projects and presentations in your chosen field of study, then all that’s really saying is you’re either A) a really determined hard worker OR B) you know people who know people who.. ya know where I’m going with this.
Which made me wonder, why don’t they display what your GPA or if you were an A, B, C+, etc. student on your degree?? I think that would say more about how qualified you are than leaving it up to your skills in persuasion at your interview.
OK I got a little off track there.. but it still needed mentioning regarding the grades on degrees, you’re welcome post secondary education system and the employers who hire graduates, for solving a longstanding, unaddressed loop hole.
So these two are sitting there, looking exceptionally bored, in their dark little booth and I asked what they both do at the University and how applicable their education was to what they’re doing now.. one mumbled about how they use some of what they learned in marketing and the other said she uses absolutely nothing except for one thing… she utilizes her knowledge of the university’s floor plan to get around faster.
SWEET. How much did that cost you in student loans again?
I’m not sure where I’m going with this but maybe subconsciously I’m hung up on the fact that so many of us attend post secondary institutes (with these glamourized visions of money, power and purpose) but once we graduate we find ourselves in a job that really didn’t require that amount of study and the whole time we’re there (presumably, racking up debt) some of our other peers are out in the workforce, doing trades or what have you, gaining invaluable experience and making more right out of high school than we and our little piece of paper ever will… That being said, I think university was a really fun experience and I really grew into my own person there, or if you prefer the more inspirational phrase, I found myself! (Cue sappy music)

Which brings me to the meaning of life….. just kidding. I won’t go there.. hopefully ever.

Speaking of Lists & a Virgin…

I’m going to start out by making a couple of lists..

Things I am NOT: an essay connoisseur, quiet or reserved, Martha Stewart (no one will argue this if they’ve seen my house), overly patient, a virgin (in case my having 2 children with my big german head didn’t give it away)
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Things I AM and DO: swear.. often (sorry Mom, I know you tried), enjoy getting up at 4-5am everyday to enjoy a quiet coffee before the chaos of having little kids ensues, Class 1 driver, have a small photography business with my sister in law, am constantly enrolled in some sort of distance education, dive into things headfirst with a lot of determination and this is where my post title actually comes into play, I’m a bikini competition virgin.

As I mentioned initially, I’m not much of an essay writer so for those of you following my blog you can expect at least 3 things:
1. more lists and giant run on paragraphs with minimal organization littered with some photos of whatever happens to catch my attention (note how this is already a list…)
2. an honest account of my experiences and some cursing (Sorry Caitlyn but as my coach odds are pretty good it’ll be directed at you… or Tim because he lives with me)
3. randomness – yellowbellied sapsucker anyone?

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Guess I should actually mention something about where I’m at in terms of preparing for the Sandra Wickham Fall Classic (btw this is the name of the competition I’m in the process of registering for, gawd I’m a terrible writer, sorry everyone). I’ve recently been in touch with Caitlyn Bellamy (of Revolutionary Fitness & Nutrition Consulting, she’s on FB, so check her out!) who I’ve chosen to be my coach and mentor throughout this process (HA! Lucky you Caitlyn) and she is putting together a plan for me. Until I get my training & nutrition plans I’m just doing my own thing in preparation for the Spartan Sprint in Edmonton on June 29th.
The Spartan is one of my 2013 goals; I started out this year with a couple goals in mind and as I achieve them and continued on my path with health and fitness as a priority, I just find myself adding to the list!! (yes, I’m aware I am the queen of lists).
I’ll do a post in the future about how 2013 started off for me, what my goals were and what they are now… it’s only June, plenty of time to add to my list!!!

What are some of your goals for 2013???